Saturday, November 7, 2009

An Open Letter To Public Bathroom Toilet Paper

Dear TP,

I've been unfortunate enough to need your assistance a time or two in my day, and you never fail to disappoint. Perhaps if I was looking to take my quarter panel down to the primer you would be up for the job. Or if I needed to write something down but didn't have any notebook paper handy, I bet you would be perfect in a pinch. But when it comes to doing the job for which you're most often employed, you are woefully out of your depth. Like a lazy janitor two days from retirement, you do the basic cleaning, but you leave out that extra...something...that would be so appreciated. You softness. Absorbency. Ease of use. It's the little things that make all the difference. Don't settle for "just getting by", TP. You're better than that.

Unable to sit,