Wednesday, January 27, 2010

An Open Letter To Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor Swift,

Let’s have a chat. You are one of the few young singers today who doesn’t make my ears explode when I hear one of your songs. You are a genuinely talented singer/songwriter/musician and on top of that, you seem like a really sweet girl. So why, why, why are you starting to hang around one of the biggest pieces of shit walking the earth right now?!

I just saw a picture of you and colossal dick worm, John Mayer, cozying up to one another the other night in Nashville. NOOOOOO! Taylor, do you not read any of his press?! He is a self-absorbed, narcissistic prick. He is TROUBLE with a capital Douche! He will take your good girl virginal ass and tear you up! By all accounts, he likes to come in through the back door and leave you with a golden shower…if you know what I mean.

SPRINT away from this dick worm as fast as you can and do not look back. Your mother should be throwing a chastity belt on your ass ASAP and taking you into the witness protection program for a while until he finds his next victim. I will be holding a candle light vigil in your honor tonight in the hopes you come out of all this still pure and unscathed.

Keep those legs crossed,

Brooke Amanda


Rebecca said...

She is very pretty and I agree with you. She needs someone pure.....and she won't find him anywhere near Fame.

Pam said...

If you saw them photographed together, then most likely he's already ifected her with herpes. John Mayer is a total prostitute.

shopgirl101 said...

Rebecca- She needs to go back to that Jonas brother, I forget which one.
Pam- Yeah, she's probably scarred for life now. Great.

Jerry K said...

How can anyone look at John Mayer and not want to just punch him in the face?

madge said...

Completely agree with you, I was just talking to my husband about how sheltered she seems, and he is going to give her some serious napalm burning of the nether regions, and probably a wart maybe two.