Friday, September 3, 2010

An Open Letter To Tostitos Scoops

Dear Tostitos Scoops,

I apologize for the tardiness of my letter, as I realize you’ve been on the market for the last few years. But as I’m sitting here tonight, enjoying my friend’s homemade salsa, I’m wondering how the hell anyone ever ate salsa (or any dips) before you came along?

I know that flat tortilla chips are still made, but I shudder to think what kind of child-molesting cretin would even bother with those flat bitches? Flatties don’t hold a candle to your voluptuous curves that envelope a dip like an old lover in a tender embrace. You not only hold my salsa with confidence, but you ensure that every last bit of it makes it to my mouth and not my shirt. Your shape reminds me of the cradle used to hold the blessed baby Jesus. And when food resembles a religious figure, you know it’s going to be delicious. God bless the person who created you! There’s a special place in heaven for this tortilla chip saint.

Keep On Scooping,
Brooke Amanda

4 comments:

Rebecca said...

I totally agree. I love scoops!

Shawn said...

A new letter! Praise the maker.

madge said...

LOL!!! I think the people who invented flat chips made the baby Jesus cry. That's what I tell my kids when they're being bad.

shopgirl101 said...

Rebecca- Right on! Fuck Flatties!
Shawn- I know, right?! I've been slacking immensely in my open letter duties:(
Magde- You are AWESOME! All parents should be raising their kids this way;)