Wednesday, March 2, 2011

An Open Letter to My Credit Card

An Open Letter to My Credit Card

Dear Credit Card:

I know this might seem like it's completely out of the blue, but... well... how do I say this? To put it as gently as possible, I'm breaking up with you, you jackhole. I know, I know... I'm sorry. We've had some great times. We really have. Remember that shopping spree at Anthropologie? Remember when I got LASIK? Remember when Snuggles had to have unexpected surgery? Yeah... I'm still paying for those things. Not cool, you know? Your manipulative ways have held me captive in your unrelenting grasp for too long. I've come to realize I'm just another number in your little black book. Account No. XXXX XXXX XXXX 0231, actually.

And so, Credit Card, I'm cutting you off. I'm cutting you out of my life completely. And, well, I'm actually going to literally cut you up as well. And believe me when I say it will hurt me more than it will hurt you. Because I will actually have to start paying for things. And it's going to sting for a while. But in the end, it will turn out for the best. For both of us. Well... maybe not for you. But definitely for me. And hey, chin up; someday we'll look back on this and laugh.

It's not you. It's me. Well... actually, it is you. It's 100% you, and you suck.

Not so fondly,

(your soon to be debt-free ex)

P.S. I've been seeing someone else. His name is Ca$h Money.


Shawn said...


I actually just did the same thing, believe it or not.

Well, I didn't bring out the blowtorch, but I definitely quit using my credit card.

Well, ok, full disclosure--credit card companies will actually revoke your ability to use the card after you haven't paid the bill for a long enough time, so it wasn't fully my choice.

But, uh, yeah, pretty much the same thing.

Rebecca said...

I did the same thing when I was about 21. So glad I did it because it's nice to not have debt hanging over your head

Heather Cherry said...

Oh, Shawn...

Thanks, Rebecca! It does feel great!

Belle said...

Fantastic! I'd love to do the same, but my husband wouldn't let go of it and he would get burned.

Heather Cherry said...


Well played, Belle. Well played.

Brooke Amanda said...

Just paid off one of my major credit cards and I'm pissed I didn't think to blowtourch the hell out of it.

Heather Cherry said...

There's always next time, Brookers.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Actually, using credit card math, it's MORE than 100% the card's fault. It's 100% plus the finance charge.

Heather Cherry said...

True that, Knuckle.

Cake Betch said...

These pictures made me lolz and pee a little.