Thursday, March 31, 2011

An Open Letter to My Dogs

An Open Letter to My Dogs


Dear Snuggles and Clover:


Good gravy, what in the world did you two eat? Are you even aware that your farts can penetrate Kevlar? The next time I need to sandblast something I'll just bottle some of your abominable flatulence. You have a permanent fog hovering around you like Pigpen from Peanuts. I no longer have any nose hair. Your farts can peel varnish and dissolve acid. True story, I once saw a pit bull fart make Chuck Norris cry. The smell is so bad my eyes are watering and my nose is running. And by "my nose is running" I mean, like, my nose literally jumped off my face and ran away in fear and revulsion. It went into the Witness Protection Program and now I'll never find it. The fallout is truly heinous. The blast radius is the width of a city block. I now have a new theory for what killed off the dinosaurs.


With nothing but love for you (but not your gas),

Heather



Our bad.

8 comments:

Cake Betch said...

OMFG MY DOG TOO. It's incredible!!

In Real Life said...

I can totally relate, we have a similar fog occasionaly takes over our house too! That is such an adorable photo of your sweet dogs!

Shawn said...

I'll be making liberal use of the new "dinosaur extinction theories" tag.

Shawn said...

It's insulting to have to fill out a captcha to post a comment on my own blog.

Heather Cherry said...

Cake - What kind of dogs do you have?

IRL - Thank you! They melt me every time.

Shawn - I thought you might like that one. I'm eagerly awaiting your future flying waffles posts.

Brooke Amanda said...

Unfortunately, it sounds like my digestive track and your dogs have a lot in common. I should probably invest in some BEANO.

Heather Cherry said...

TMI, Brooke! :B

epoxy said...

OMG both dog incredible !!