Thursday, June 11, 2009

An Open Letter To Dry-Lipped Crafters

Dear Fellow Lip-Balm-Loving Crafters,

I can see what you're going for here. I really can. You've decided that you love your lip balm enough to bestow upon it a special lip-balm-cozy, and god bless you for your creative gumption. What I'm calling foul on here, though, isn't the relative pointlessness of these laboriously crafted chapstick protectors, shockingly. Instead, I would like to implore you to look, just seriously look, at the bizarre tomfuckery you put together for this purpose. And then maybe you can answer me why the top cozy appears to resemble some kind of massive and generally unnecessary lip-balm lion depository (although the lion does seem to be enjoying it an awful lot, I'll give you that), and the bottom one, well, I won't even go there.

Seriously people. Think these things through. If you have to put your chapstick away by shoving it up a felt lion's gaping ass, or by sliding it inside a suspiciously-shaped pastel knitted sock with balls, you have failed.

Just sayin'.



Mrs. E said...

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! Thank you!

Shawn said...

Well...lip gloss is made from the poop of a lion, so I kind of see what they were going for.

Quirkyloon said...

Oy vey!

To the lion one.

Heh heh heh

Housewife Savant said...

"Suspiciously-shaped pastel knitted sock with balls" meant Man Junk, right?

And then you're supposed to put this On Your Lips? Ick.
You don't know where that Man Junk's been.

Kirsten said...

By the way, lion's asses get chapped too!

Eric said...

Lovely bunny tail on the lion, BTW.

Funnyrunner said...

LLOL! First, love the word "tomfuckery." I'm totally borrowing that from you... if I can remember it at the right time... and 2nd- love: "although the lion does seem to be enjoying it an awful lot, I'll give you that), "


shopgirl101 said...

Why do people think we need lip gloss koozies, in case they get cold?!

Jeff said...

So can we call these things "balm mules" or have I been reading too many stories about drug trafficking lately?

Soda and Candy said...

Aww, I think the tiny knitted rainbow-pastel penis is quite fetching.

; )