Monday, June 8, 2009

An Open Letter To Publix Supermarkets, Inc.

Dear Publix,

I write this letter with a heavy heart. For a long time, you've taken the strong lead when it comes to excellence in grocery, and I am proud to call you my favorite Florida supermarket. However, there is an issue I can no longer stand by and ignore.

Every time I purchase your ground beef, steaks, or pork chops, they go green and moldy within a single day of being in my pantry. Every time!

I've found myself forced to eat any such meats immediately upon returning home, leaving me with a situation where I am painfully full for one day, and then starving for the next six. I don't expect your meats to last forever, but I think they should be good for at least a few days, don't you agree?

Thinking of going to Piggly Wiggly,


Winky Twinky said...

I KNEW it wasn't just me... that happens to meat in my pantry too... ;)

The Piggly Wiggly said...

Dear Shawn:

You're a dumbass. However, we will welcome you with open arms and warm hearts.

Best regards,

The Piggy Wiggly

feefifoto said...

Dear Shawn:

Next time you're at Publix, pick up some ice along with your ground beef, steak and pork chops. And a couple rolls of paper towels.

Marissa said...

If you keep the meats right next to the ice cream in the pantry, they should do alright for a little while.

But you also have to hurry and eat the ice cream, just be sure to restock it right away on a daily basis.

ReformingGeek said...

Dear Shawn,
Modify your pantry in just a few easy steps. That's right. With a little insulation, some coolant, and a thermostat, you should be in business. Electricity might help, too.

Shawn said...

Winky: Hmm, could be an all out degradation in the food industry.

Piggly Wiggly: Well forget it now! I'd rather eat green beef than shop at your store. You always have to ruin it.

Feefifoto: I have paper towels, but I never buy ice because it has approximately the same shelf life as the meat.

Marissa: I don't...I don't know if that really solves the problem...on the other hand, I'm always up for eating more ice cream.

Reforming: Well, I'm not turning my whole house upside down just to accommodate Publix's rotten meat!

Eric said...

It might be a plan to turn up the heat in your pantry, never *ever* underestimate the power of jerky.

Tarra Slovan said...

Hey, I like your blog and wish I'd thought about open letters. I have very good memories of Publix and am sad that like most everything they went to pot. I remember that they had a really good price on chopped liver and macaroni and cheese at the Publix in Sunny Isles. Good times.

I plan to to discusss David Carradine more as his dying with a shoelace hanging off his member fascinates me to no end.

Soda and Candy said...

I still kind of can't believe there is a supermarket called Piggly Wiggly. And Mr Wiggly is clearly a thinly-veiled ripoff of Porky the Pig.

I myself prefer to shop at the fine establishment known as the Crackhead Kroger. Because I live in such an upscale neighborhood.

mama-face said...

i'm pretty sure spam keeps for quite a while in the pantry. just a thought.

(you kill me. haha)

Shawn said...

Eric: Interesting idea. Maybe I should get that awesome Ronco Dehydrator.

Tarra: Yeah, Publix is a great place, it's just a shame about their meats.

Soda: I's the only grocery store where the name itself makes you kinda hesitant to shop there. Well, them and We Gotz Food.

Mama-face: Yeah, but how do you really tell when Spam's gone bad?

bearmancartoons said...

Too funny. I was thinking as I started reading that you should shop at Piggly Wiggly..but you stole my idea.

How about Goodings? is that still around?

dukakis/bentsen in 88 said...

They don't use meat, its meat composite composing of a combinaion of components including copper

Shawn said...

Bearman: Goodings? Never heard of it. Publix pretty much has the monopoly around here, other than the occasional Albertson's or Winn-Dixie.

Dukakis/bentsen: Well, maybe this is the kind of thing that would be common knowledge had your candidate won.

Soda and Candy said...

LOL, We Gotz Food.

Well you can't argue with their slogan: "Word."

Anonymous said...

What, meat you say. How about their fruit all the way from south america, Like they know how to grow anything besides coca. I have yet eaten anything in the past few years that was edible.