Dear 5-Hour Energy Drink,
I never tried you before today. I was fearful of what you may do to my body and stuck closely by my trusty Cup O’Joe to give me the boost I needed to make it through my work day. But I had a horrible sleep last night and my coffee mug and energy levels were on low, so I decided to give you a shot. After all, my co-worker takes you all the time, so I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen? Cardiac arrest? Seizures?”
So throwing caution to the wind I guzzled down just half a bottle to play it on the safe side. And, boy oh boy, you didn’t disappoint, Energy! At first I felt no difference, but within minutes I could feel my heart racing and my head spinning. Dare I say I even felt a bit drunk. Is that your secret ingredient, Energy? Alcohol?
With my new found buzz, I was able to speed through the last remaining hours of my workday with all the hopped up jittery-ness of a crackhead who just got a big fix after weeks of withdrawal. Thanks, Energy! I am choosing to ignore the moments in my day when I felt like I was going to faint and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking… and the point were I crashed so hard I felt like a coma victim and wasn’t sure if I could drive home. The point is, you did perk me up and that’s all that matters!
P.S.- I’m switching back to coffee IMMEDIANTLY.
Hyperly yours,
Brooke Amanda
Carrot footprints
9 years ago
6 comments:
I used to take nodoz or whatever that stuff was and I'd drink the stuff with a cup of pepsi and then I'd follow that up with a cup of coffee with about 5 sugars and drive home and STILL barely make it home awake (about 20 minute drive) and then I'd fall into bed and crash hard and sleep for 12 hours straight.
I was trying to lose some weight a few years ago and took a concoction of caffeine pills, ephedrine, and aspirin to help accelerate the process.
I saw God that day.
Rebecca- DAMN!!!! I had a cup of coffee at 5pm and I'm having trouble falling asleep!
Shawn-Oh, ephedrine! I have fond memories of taking it to lose weight before it got banned. I re-arranged my furniture three times in one day b/c I was so hopped up on the stuff:) That shit is worse than crack (not that I would know).
Once I attended a meeting that I knew was going to be so terrible I bought two of those things. I drank a whole bottle right before and was falling asleep about 20 minutes in so I drank a second bottle. I was STILL falling asleep, but I thought my heart was going to explode. I've never had one since.
I now know to avoid this stuff. Thanks, everyone!
I'm crying Brooke Amanda. Sooo funny!
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