Thursday, May 14, 2009

An Open Letter To Sam's Club

Holy shit! I just had the pleasure of being inside you for the first time tonight...and not in a dirty way. I was mesmerized by all your ginormous goods. Am I EVER going to eat a 30 pack of frozen turkey burgers? No, but it was only $8! If I had more room in my apartment, I would have bought the 50 pack of toilet paper, too.

And you don't just have food...I saw packs of grannie panties, swimwear, plants, furniture, books, movies...the list is endless. Families were eating in your food court. YOU HAVE A FOOD COURT! I could live in you and never want for anything again. If I could afford a $25 a month membership to you, I would sign up in a heartbeat.

Alas, I am not a member, so I don't know when I will grace you with my presence again. Hopefully sooner than later.

I miss you already,
Brooke Amanda


DouglasDyer said...

You will assimilate!

Winky Twinky said...

You had me at ...and...........!!

tracy said...

Gotta love a post that starts with holy shit!

at least I do


bearmancartoons said...

Costco is better

Heather Cherry said...

You can eat an entire meal on the samples they give out.

Shawn said...

I still remember being 14 or 15 and seeing the giant jar of peanut butter my parents brought home from Sam's. I'm pretty sure it's still only about half gone.

shopgirl101 said...

Dougie- This was a life changing experience...I may have to sign up for a membership now.

Winky- ....! :)

Tracy- I just write what I'm feeling at the moment :)

Bearman- There aren't Costcos in the Midwest, so I'm a Sam's Club bitch for now.

Heather- I know! I couldn't believe all the food they were giving out.

Shawn- This makes me want to sqeeze out 6 kids just so I have a reason to go there.

Wendy said...

Shawn, I don't think it's you that's gonna be squeezing.

Next time you are there, be sure to get the plastic wrap. You won't regret it.

Nate Fakes said...

Those places give me a headache!

The Offended Blogger said...

Hell, I have a membership there that I rarely use. I'll sell it to you in bulk for cheap. :)

bearmancartoons said...

Shopgirl where do you live? I live in the Midwest too and travel all around and while not nearly as abundant as Sams Club, I see them in every state.

shopgirl101 said...

Wendy- Good tip!

Nate- Sam's wasn't bad, but Wal-Mart makes me want to puke.

Offended Blogger- Awesome, just name your price!

Bearman- I live in IL and have never seen a Costco. I guess we're a Sam's Club state :)

bearmancartoons said...

Costco in IL. ha ha

Bedford Park
Chicago (Lincoln Park)
Lake in the Hills
Lake Zurich
Mount Prospect
Oak Brook
Orland Park
St. Charles

shopgirl101 said...

I don't live in or near any of those cities...there is more to IL than just the Chicagoland Area :)

Bearman said...

I'm not from IL how would I know where these places

Funnyrunner said...

LOL. I went to hear David Sedaris speak and he tells this story about being in Costco with his brother-in-law and the only thing in the cart is a pack of 500 condoms... lol.

Wendy said...

Funnyrunner, for some reason that reminded me of that quote from Shawshank Redeption, "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'..." LOL